one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
