So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
