last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
