Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You are a genius and a whore.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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