Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
