My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
