i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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