yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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