Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
