No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
