in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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