I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
