Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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