I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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