matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
