why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
