I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
