Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
