My friends, they love my intelligence
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
