I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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