never play flip cup with pint glasses
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
