my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
