When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
