I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
