he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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