Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
