Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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