My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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