if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
