someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
