this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
