i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will be naked everywhere
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
