I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
