first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
