I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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