wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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