The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
