Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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