from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
