So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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