I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
