My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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