do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
COCAINE IS GR8
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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