your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
