I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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