I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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