so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
