Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
