Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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