I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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