Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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