i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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