dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
