The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize