but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
