Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
