I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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