We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
