Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
