i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
