Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
