I accidentally had phone sex last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
