Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
