i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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