Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
