oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
