it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
