She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
